My seven forbidden C foods

Whenever I need to drop a few pounds and look leaner, I’ve learned to completely eliminate from my diet my seven forbidden C foods. I recently did this to drop about 5 pounds for an Olympic weightlifting competition. I did not eat these “foods” at all for about 3 weeks. 

My longest stint enforcing the seven forbidden C foods ban was in 2007. I completely avoided these foods starting on New Year’s Day and continuing until April 18th when I arrived in Italy for a 17-day vacation and gelato orgy.

Here are my seven forbidden C foods:

Cakes – there is no reason to eat this stuff if you are a middle-age man unless you can really eat it in moderation and only on special occasions. Problem is, at least for me, that once I start eating it I want more so I do better to avoid it completely.

Cookies – again there’s no reason to eat cookies if you get right down to it other than for the pure joy of gluttony. I’ve met very few people in my life who can eat just one. Most people who eat cookies believe if one is good, then two must be better, and if two are better then three must be great, etc., etc.

Candies – put a jar of candies in an office setting and watch how fast they disappear, particularly if nobody is looking. Isn’t it amazing? Blame the women but many a man has been caught red-handed.

Chocolate – some would say that chocolate is a form a candy but with its revered status, chocolate deserves to be in a category of its own. Show me a person who doesn’t like chocolate and I’ll show you a person who is not telling the truth.

Ice cream – on a hot summer day, who can pass up a double or triple scoop ice cream cone, or a dish of gelato while on an Italian vacation? Regular and secret ice cream consumption has made many a middle-age man look like someone who is pregnant expecting twins.

Crackers – crackers are part of the salty snack family, favored by the salt-tooths of the world. You know who these people are, seeing them at Costco with a shopping cart loaded of king-sized boxes of crackers of all types. These people sometimes are cheese junkies and like to eat crackers with a slice of cheese in the middle as if they are eating a sandwich.

Chips – barbeque potato chips and taco or nacho chips are the preferred chip food selections. I’ve seen people eat a large bag of barbeque chips without any help from anyone else. The taco and nacho chip junkies like salsa, guacamole or melted cheese to make for a calorie-dense snack experience.

Yes, these “foods” are fun to eat but many middle-age men like me can’t eat them in moderation. So whenever the stakes are high or its time for a photo shoot, or if I get tired of looking at myself in the mirror looking like a chipmunk who is harvesting chestnuts, I’ll go cold turkey and enforce a strict prohibition of eating my seven forbidden C foods.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum