Sunday, May 24, 2015

The day my father died

In our middle-aged man journey of living and dying, gracefully aging and trying to live a good and honest life comes a significant moment when a parent dies.  

I had this significant moment two years ago this day at 2:26 a.m. when my father's stay on planet earth came to an end. 

He was a child of God, cradle-to-grave Roman Catholic man, World War II Navy veteran, weightlifter who loved the iron barbell but, most importantly, he was my Dad.  

Child of God 1926

Roman Catholic man in training circa 1940

Young sailor on liberty circa 1946

World War II Navy Veteran

Weightlifter who loved the barbell circa 1957

Most importantly, he was my Dad
My feelings about my Dad were previously expressed in a poem I wrote to him the last Easter Sunday we spent together about two months before his death.  It's included in my book but I'm sharing it here today at Pierini Fitness.  

The best way to honor my Dad is how I live the rest of my life and that's what I always strive to do.  

Today I'll visit his grave at the cemetery and in deep prayer and reflective thought remember my last moments with him two years ago today, May 24th, the day my father died.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum

Monday, May 18, 2015

Serious middle-aged men afflictions

Recently, the World Health Organization (WHO) strongly encouraged scientists, national authorities, the media and other stakeholders such as the pharmaceutical industry to follow what it described as “best practices” when giving a name to human diseases.  

Furthermore, to assert its world dominance in the disease name-calling arena, WHO made it clear it would issue its own interim name for a disease and recommend its use so that inappropriate names do not become established.

These new best practices will apply to a new disease that has never been recognized before in humans and where no disease name is yet established in common usage.

Additionally, WHO makes it clear that names should be short and easy to pronounce.  It gives examples such as rabies and malaria.  In cases where a long name has already been given to a disease and subsequently shortened to an acronym, such as ADHS or AIDS for example, the acronym should be evaluated to ensure it complies with the newly-published best practices.

Well who does WHO think it is and doesn’t WHO have anything else better to do?

Recognizing a similar need for best practices for naming newly-discovered middle-aged men behaviors, Pierini Fitness asserts its dominance in naming such behaviors so that inappropriate names and ensuing stigmas do not become established that would only serve to terrorize the self-esteem of middle-aged men. 

Furthermore, new names will be given to existing middle-aged men behaviors to comply with these best practices.

Here are three examples; know that many more will follow.  

Narcissism or 
MILOS Syndrome?
Some middle-aged men are known to have excessive or erotic interest in themselves and/or their physical appearance.  Pierini Fitness hereby decrees that middle-aged men afflicted with this behavior shall not be described as suffering from narcissism or of being a narcissist.  

Telling a middle-aged man he is a narcissist or that he suffers from narcissism is very damaging to his self-esteem.  So this behavior shall now be known as MILOS (Man In Love Of Self) Syndrome.  

Nose picking or
PINT Syndrome?
Other middle-aged men have been known to pick their noses in public.  Pierini Fitness hereby decrees that middle-aged men afflicted with this behavior shall not be described as nose-pickers.  

Catching a middle-aged man picking his nose in public and then calling him a nose-picker is very damaging to his self-esteem.  So this behavior shall now be known as PINT (Picking Itchy Nose Time) Syndrome.

Silent farting in public
or FAME Syndrome?
Finally, it’s well-known that, after a big and delicious meal, middle-aged men like to pass silent gas in the company of others and then smirk a private grin while whistling Dixie with their hands in their pants’ pockets.  Pierini Fitness hereby decrees that middle-aged men afflicted with this behavior shall not be described as farters.  

Telling a middle-aged man that he has farted and then calling him a farter or farthead is very damaging to his self-esteem.  So this behavior shall now be known as FAME (Fuming After Meal Emissions) Syndrome.  

Therefore, a middle-aged man who is in love with himself, picks his nose in public and farts in an elevator shall be identified as suffering from MILOS, PINT and FAME Syndromes. 

Yes syndromes because they cause pain and suffering and, therefore, are serious middle-aged men afflictions.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum

Monday, May 11, 2015

Like my grandfather's closet

This middle-aged man learned early in life about
the value of  good hot bath thanks to his Mom.
Legend has it that somewhere in our middle-aged man journey of becoming an old man, our personal hygiene starts to go south.  Is it true?  

I don’t know for sure although I’ve met several old men who have given me olfactory evidence that it might be true.

What do others have to say about this?  An internet search led me to a webpage stating:

“Our distinctive scent is caused by bacteria on our skin reacting with sweat and sebum released from our pores and this natural smell changes as we age.  According to one study, middle-aged men had the most intense body odor.”

This ambassador of all middle-aged men around the world is aware of studies like this and had this to say about such an allegation:

"We middle-aged men will always smell nice like a splash of Old Spice."

Contributing to declining personal hygiene is the conscious “business decision” one makes that taking a daily bath or shower is no longer necessary.  An aging, more tired and previously-important businessman who no longer has to go out in the business world looking like a pretty boy might find new comfort in skipping his daily encounter with a hot wash rag and bar of soap that not too long ago he would have found unthinkable. 

Another factor to declining personal hygiene might be leaky urine syndrome time - or LUST for short - due to middle-aged and old man prostate problems.  Walking around in piss-stained underwear that might be two days aged along with the same number of days since a bath or shower intensifies and adds to the stink-risk.  I’m told, but don’t know for sure, there are underwear guards that can be worn to manage this risk.

Staying in the same stink-zone is the risk of middle-aged man and old-man butt odor perhaps brought on by an aging digestive system that no longer works like a champ, and further exacerbated by the lack of reaching and bending flexibility and hand-dexterity that makes it more difficult for those squeaky-clean butt wipes that long ago were athletically-possible.

This is all very real and scary to me. 

Who am I to think I won’t be a stinking old-man in due time or that I’m not already a stinking middle-aged man!  These declines, you know, creep up on us ever so slowly.  That stinking old man we know never thought for a moment when he was 60 years young like yours truly, that he would one day be another witness to what younger people universally believe of older people stinking. 

So I’ll continue to scrub my body each day using hot water and soap in my never-ending battle for truth, justice, the American way and middle-aged man personal hygiene. 

During those temptations to skip my daily cleansing, like when I feel extra tired and lazy and harboring thoughts that nobody will know and besides I really don’t smell because I haven’t done anything to create a stink, I’ll be motivated not to be hygienic-slothful out of fear of smelling like my grandfather’s closet.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Happy Birthday Mom!

My Mom was born on May 9, 1931 so today is her 84th birthday. Here is a  poem for her:

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy birthday Mom, it's number 84; wishing you a wonderful day and many, many more.

Life began it seems so very long ago; an amazing life you've lived with hopefully more to go. 

As a youngster working in the fields with brothers and sisters, picking fruit gave your hands many, many blisters.  

Later away you went starting your own life; many jobs you worked before becoming a wife.

Then as a mother of two girls and three boys; you gave them nurturing and birthday toys.

They became adults going their separate way, but memories of them as your little children remain to this day. 

You’ve been blessed with beauty. a kind heart and health, and many other blessings that are your God-given wealth.

So today please enjoy your birthday. food and drink; and know your recent health challenge is really not a big stink.

Happy Birthday Mom, praise God you're alive; we hope to be with you next year for number 85!

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum